Having a teenager with a violent temper is scary. When they lose their temper in the home, they might threaten the family, break things, or lock themselves away from everyone. You don’t want to lose touch with them, but it can feel like there’s no helping them when they’re like that.
No one should feel scared in their own home, but it’s hard to know what to do. You still love your kid and want the best for them, even when their temper takes over. But you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them to avoid setting them off. You also shouldn’t need to worry about your family’s safety or belongings.
Beyond that, it’s not helpful for your teen if you cater to their temper. When they become adults, they need to control their emotions better. Adults who fly into fits of rage when they don’t get their way struggle in social situations, relationships, and jobs. For your well-being and the development of your angry teen, you need to intervene and learn how to cope with their behavior while addressing it.
Coping with the stress of an angry teenager
If you’re the parent of a teen with a temper, you know firsthand how scary it can be when they lash out. For many parents in this situation, instinct says to play it cool and avoid making it worse. This might mean giving in to whatever they want or letting their poor behavior slide because addressing it would make things worse.
Giving in to demands or ignoring bad behavior feels like it works at the moment, but it only compounds the behavior. Teens with anger issues learn that they can control others and get what they want when they lash out. It becomes second nature even if they don’t mean to be as aggressive as they are. As the parent in this situation, you must learn to cope with the stress that your angry teen causes you so that you’ll have the energy to address their behavior before it’s too late.
Know your worth
When you set limits for your kids, they don’t always like it. Teens with anger management problems especially don’t like limitations. They’ll call you every name in the book just to try and hurt you. When that happens, it’s hard not to take it personally.
In this situation, you’ve got to know your worth. Just because they say something mean about you doesn’t make them right. Your kids learn how to hurt your feelings better than anyone else, so teen temper tantrums can lead to poignant insults. Try to brush off the insults and remember that they come with the territory of parenting an angry teen.
Set limits and walk away
If your teenager is prone to screaming at you and escalating the situation when you set limits, don’t engage them for too long. Let them know their limits, but don’t give in to the fight. They probably will if they know they can rile you up and intensify the situation. When you have to say something that you know will upset them, say it and walk away before the situation gets worse.
Find time for you
When you’re deep in the trenches of parenting an angry teenager, you’ve got to find time for yourself. Life can be hectic, so you might not get a ton of time, but you do need some amount of “you” time. Look for little moments each day that you can take to yourself to do something relaxing or to enjoy.
Talk to your teen when they’re calm
Many teens with anger issues feel like they lose control of themselves when they’re mad. They say things they don’t mean and do things they normally wouldn’t do. When your teen has an anger episode, wait for them to calm down before you address it with them. This will save you both a lot of time and emotional energy.
As a family, it’s important to clear the air after a tumultuous interaction. Waiting until they’re calm also allows you to see how they’re feeling about the situation. Though some teens are purposefully mean to their parents, many others feel bad about the things they said and did when they were angry.
Therapy for angry teens
If you are scared of your teen’s temper and feel like the situation is getting out of control, get outside help. Some teens see success in curbing their temper by going to local therapy sessions, but others need more intensive intervention.
Residential therapeutic boarding schools provide holistic care for their students, and the family gets a break while their angry teenager is away at school. Family therapy is a huge part of treatment, so the whole family still interacts with one another and works toward a calmer home life.
If you have questions about how our school could help your teenage son, call us today at 866-255-3708.